we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
