i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
