I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
