drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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