R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
