I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
