Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
