Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
