so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
