the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My penis needs a shock collar
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
