i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
