Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Randomize
