I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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