How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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