I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
