I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Barsexuality is the new black.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize