I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
