I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
