My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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