Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
