This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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