not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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