Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
