my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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