I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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