I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
