I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
