Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
