call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
