he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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