Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
