I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Success! We fucked roommates!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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