Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
