The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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