i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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