I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
