I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Moan for me like Helen Keller
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
