Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize