I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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