I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
