You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize