ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
