he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
