my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
