physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
