people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
