Who wears a wallet chain?!
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
