I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
All the doctor said was why
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
