I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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