Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
