dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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