That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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