you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
