I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
