I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
