I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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