You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
