I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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