you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize