I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
