i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
