If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize