it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
