he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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