I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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