I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
