WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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