halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
