My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
