sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
