That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My vagina just clenched in fear
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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