Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
