So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize