No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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